How to Do Luxury in Bali

Turns out, it's incredibly easy.

Wearing: Hunkemoller bikini. Similar here and here.

In a private, remote location, far from the hustle and bustle of Ubud or the multitude of luxury resorts scattered around Uluwatu, we approach our villa in the darkness. The car jiggles from side to side and we lurch up and down as it struggles over rough terrain on a narrow path, and we glance at each other dubiously. Then, lights appear in the near distance, and we realise we're arriving.

We're handed cool, refreshing welcome drinks in carved out cucumber "glasses" (which the boys promptly eat as soon as they've sipped the last of their drinks), and we are introduced to our home for the next few nights, the ocean waves playing a sweet background melody as we explore. This place is breathtaking.

One night in this three bedroom villa with personal butler (Dedung; the loveliest, gentlest man), chef, the longest pool I've ever swum in, a private gym and cinema room, masseurs that will ride on their motorbikes to the villa and knead out whatever fraction of tension may remain in your muscles, a chatty, hilarious driver to take you wherever you desire ... one night in this paradise, in this luxurious dreamland, will set you back no more than the equivalent price of an extravagant dinner in London with a bottle (maybe two) of wine. 

The staff manage miraculously to spontaneously appear whenever you require something and remain behind the scenes when you want your privacy. We went with our friends from New York and stayed for 3 nights; the only time we ever left was to go to Tanah Lot temple to enjoy a beautiful sunset. It was all over far too soon. From then on, our catchphrase for the rest of the trip was a wistful, "If only Dedung was here!"